Conversion of St. Paul

FROM A HOMILY ON THE PRAISE OF ST PAUL
By St John Chrysostom 5
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Paul, more than anyone else, has shown us what humankind really is, and
in what our nobility consists, and of what virtue this particular animal is
capable. Each day he aimed ever higher; each day he rose up with greater ardor
and faced with new eagerness the dangers that threatened him. He summed up
his attitude in the words: I forget what is behind me and push on to what lies
ahead. When he saw death imminent, he bade others share his joy: Rejoice and
be glad with me! And when danger, injustice and abuse threatened, he said: I
am content with weakness, mistreatment and persecution. These he called the
weapons of righteousness, thus telling us that he derived immense profit from
them.

Thus, amid the traps set for him by his enemies, with exultant heart he
turned their every attack into a victory for himself; constantly beaten, abused
and cursed, he boasted of it as though he were celebrating a triumphal
procession and taking trophies home, and offered thanks to God for it all:
Thanks be to God who is always victorious in us!

The most important thing of all to him, however, was that he knew
himself to be loved by Christ. Enjoying this love, he considered himself happier
than anyone else; were he without it, it would be no satisfaction to be the friend
of principalities and powers. He preferred to be thus loved and be the least of
all, or even to be among the damned, than to be without that love and be among
the great and honored.

To be separated from that love was, in his eyes, the greatest and most
extraordinary of torments; the pain of that loss would alone have been hell, and
endless, unbearable torture.

So too, in being loved by Christ he thought of himself as possessing life,
the world, the angels, present and future, the kingdom, the promise and
countless blessings. Apart from that love nothing saddened or delighted him;
for nothing earthly did he regard as bitter or sweet.

Death itself and pain and whatever torments might come were but child’s
play to him, provided that thereby he might bear some burden for the sake of
Christ.

5 Hom. 2 de laudibus sancti Pauli: PG 50, 477-480.