+FURTHER REFLECTIONS ON THE ART OF AFFIRMATION Chap. Talk, Apr.30,’17
This morning I thought to share a few more thoughts on Affirmation, how one develops the art of doing it. To sincerely affirm another means entering into the person’s experience. As monks we really work at engaging life with the whole of ourselves, at giving ourselves entirely to God amid a daily routine that is constantly calling us beyond our ability into God’s own love for our brothers and all those with whom we are in contact.
To affirm one another in this calling means entering into one another’s experience by means of both thought and feeling. As Robert Furey whose book I have been drawing on says: “Genuine affirmation requires that you allow yourself to feel. You have to see and appreciate the gifts of others. But if you really want to be good at the art of affirmation, you have to love the gifts in others. You must recognize your part in the birth and life of these gifts. You need to feel the gratitude for the honor of being a part of this birth. As these feelings deepen, your ability to affirm will grow.”
There is a quiet but clear climate of affirmation that goes on in a life-giving community. It may take a while before we recognize the special gifts of each of our brethren but as we do, there is a feeling that arises with these discoveries. Then it is simply a matter of communicating our appreciation in a way that strengthens the persons, which it seems to me, is all about recognizing Christ’s presence in them and the gifts of the Spirit at work in them.
Furey speaks of this in terms of an admiration, which is about us as much as it is about the other person. “We admire those,” he says, “who have traits we would like to see in ourselves. Qualities such as courage, respect, honesty, patience, generosity, leadership, perseverance, or kindness. Admiration is a form of inspiration. You see the virtue. You let it touch you. You feel grateful, reassured, and somehow, empowered. The people we admire become our own personal heroes. They inspire us to move toward becoming the best we can be.”
While I was reflecting on this we celebrated the Memorial of St Rafael Arnaiz Baron and I found the reading at Vigils very affirming of our way of life. Writing about simplicity, St Rafael tells of how “the ways of the Lord are simplicity; his yoke is easy and his burden is light. We die to the world in order to be born to God. The self-denial of a life of silence and solitude blossoms into the exuberant joy of a heart which counts its blessings in terms of simplicity and integrity.” And for me, this is not unlike Furey’s idea of becoming “empowered.” Rafael goes on to say: “God always lets his light shine on anyone who loves and seeks him in simplicity. We have to find our way along many winding paths before we arrive at the simple straight one. What causes us more distress than complicating things! How we human beings love to complicate everything for ourselves!”
What his living into a life of simplicity brought to him was the realization of just how graced his life had become. As he puts it: “With Jesus at my side nothing seems difficult to me, and the path to holiness seems simpler every time I look at it.” What Rafael came to see was that Christ was accompanying him all through life, was daily affirming him in the difficult path he had undertaken by embracing the monastic vocation. More and more he came tor realize just how much Christ was right there with him as he moved from being a very accomplished artist into a life that became simplicity itself.
When persons fail to live in this sense of being accompanied by Christ, when they are inadequately affirmed, they tend according to Robert Furey, to “be guarded. They may be quiet and reserved or they may be quite extroverted. In either case, they are reluctant to reveal themselves. They haven’t lived in a welcoming world, so they hold back. They may present what psychologists call a false self. That is they create an image of what they believe is acceptable. This image, which is more or less a mask, covers the real self that lies beneath.” It seems to me this is exactly what St Rafael was saying when he wrote of our strong tendency toward complicating things.
As Most of you know, Merton has written many pages on our inclination to create a false self rather than live out of an awareness of ourselves as children of God. This season of Easter carries many memories for most of us. As with the first disciples, the risen Lord is ever at our side, both pointing the way and assuring us of a share in his own victory all forms of fear and death.