+PREFERRING NOTHING WHATEVER TO THE WORK OF GOD ChapTalk7/24
A few weeks ago, I was given an article by a psychiatrist about what underlies the habit of some to arrive late at important events in their lives. The one who gave me the article and another monk suggested I share some reflections on our attendance at the Divine Office. We have just celebrated the Solemnity of St Benedict and in chapter 43 of his Rule, he has us to take a close look at being late at the work of God or at table. In both cases St Benedict would have the monk who does this to stand or sit in a place apart until they mend their ways.
We all have those times when we allow ourselves to become so distracted or caught up in whatever we are doing, we fail to be clear about our priorities. What the article by a Keith Ablow, MD does, is have us take a closer look at motives for being late or as he puts it:
“I know that being late is a way many of us express a range of hidden emotions — including avoidance of uncomfortable situations. Here’s what your lack of punctuality might be saying about you – or someone you care about –- and the keys to making a change.”
The contexts this psychiatrist addresses are often secular but many of his insights apply as well to a religious context. The first instance he gives:
“Many people make themselves late, whether once or repeatedly, when heading to a job or to meet friends, because they feel apprehensive or stressed. It’s as if deep, unresolved emotions are acting as resistors in the mind’s circuitry, redirecting us away from the source of our discomfort.”
Hesitancy to attend the Hours of the Divine Office may have lots of reasons but one of them may be the stress it may cause us initially. Praying with my brethren means accepting each and all of them for who they are even when we may have recently had a disagreement with one of them. Or there may be stress caused by letting go of what I’m working on so as to go into choir and lifting my mind and heart to God.
A second reason for being late can be “I’m showing who’s in power.” Ablow points out how:
“People who use lateness to signify they are special or more powerful than those they keep waiting may not plan to show up late, but there’s often a quiet running commentary at the back of their mind suggesting that others will – and really should – wait for them.”
We all know our tendency to want to be in control of our lives and yet what so much of our monastic life is about is to yield this control to God, to give up our own wills so that God’s will may be done. There are times when, because of other obligations such as a doctor’s appointment, being servants of the refectory, etc., we cannot be at the Office and this is understandable. But those times when we can be there but let something else take first place, should be avoided. If we don’t, the choir that is dependent on our participation, bears the burden.
Another subtle reason, Ablow points out, that may cause us to absent ourselves from choir or the table is because “I need to know I’m loved.” Clarifying what he means by this, he writes: “One way we may gauge the affection of others is to test whether they will sacrifice their time.” In other words, having others wait on us assures us of their love. Time is a gift and what we give to God and the service of others, makes all the difference in our priorities. What lies behind St Benedict’s to prefer nothing to the Work of God shows that we are truly seeking God. What we love is to absorb all our hearts.
Keith Ablow then gets into a list of things one can do, what he calls “practical strategies” if we are having trouble being on time. He suggests being mindful of one’s daily schedule, allowing extra time before our next appointment, avoid doing things at the very last minute, imagining yourself as one of the people waiting for you, getting a friend to remind you not to be late, wear a watch to keep your alert, let meditation help you to be realistic about your schedule.
Finally, our author gets into how our overcoming the tendency to be late helps one to deal with deep psychological problems. These are depression, attention deficit, or substance abuse understood the many ways we can become addicted. When we acknowledge our attention deficit, we see the importance of being fully present at whatever we may do. If periodically we are late because of depression, it is very freeing to become aware of what may be causing this sadness in our lives or the irritability, changes in our sleep habits and our appetite, draining us of energy.
Overcoming our tendency to be late, is therefore clearly the work of divine grace, freeing us of those harmful forces that alienate us from our deepest selves. To overcome them, draws us into a much closer relationship with the living God and our brothers to whom we are committed. It takes some effort on our part, but it is an effort wonderfully rewarded.