Today we celebrate two pillars of the Church, Saints Peter and Paul,
they’re also two of my favorite saints, because they’re proof of something that applies so well to monks: That God doesn’t always call the perfect;
but he will perfect those he has called – if only they cooperate.
What did he see in Peter the fisherman?
During the darkest hour, Peter three times denied even knowing Christ.
What did he see in Saul, the educated Pharisee, the one who violently persecuted the early Church, dragged believers from their homes, imprisoned them,
and presided over the martyrdom of Stephen?
Both men had such checkered pasts, yet Jesus didn’t cast them aside.
Despite the flaws each of them had, he showed them mercy,
He called them, gave them a second chance, allowed them time to be transformed by that mercy, until they became the foundation stones of our faith.
Their calling is a good lesson for each of us, a time to think back on our own calling – our own vocation to Gethsemani which is part of our call to salvation.
Memories are important in monastic life, because memories lead to Gratitude, they go together, as we remember where we’ve come from, where we’re going, and Who it is that’s been helping us along.
It was on this feastday thirty years ago, that I knelt before our altar and pronounced Solemn Vows.
My time for Solemn Vows was in June, but some of the monks suggested: Wait until July 11, the Solemnity of St Benedict, the Father of monks, that’s a good day.
Actually, I felt more akin to Peter and Paul. So I talked it over with the Abbot, Fr. Timothy.
Just attending Catholic schools, even being an altar boy, none of that guaranteed a life lived with clean hands and a pure heart, as the Psalmist says.
And from the mouths of choir boys, cursing comes out as easily as songs of praise.
Peter and Paul were more my kind of saints. And the Abbot approved: June 29 it would be.
When it came to composing the booklet for the Mass, I got to choose one song:
Amazing Grace, that’s what my heart wanted.
However, what got printed weren’t the traditional words:
amazing grace, that saved a wretch like me,
but the modern version: Grace that saved and strengthened me.
No matter, God would know the words my heart was singing.
A few days of retreat, then the Feastday and the Mass. After the Gospel was read,
Br Roger rolled out the ceremonial carpet, put down the little pillow, it was my turn to lie prostrate during the Litany of the Saints.
With my head turned to one side, I could hear the chant …the long litany … Pray for us… pray for us…
Saint Peter and Saint Paul, together, always a team …. Pray for us.
St Augustine, notorious pagan and womanizer…
St Thomas Aquinas, overweight, an egghead who authored obscure manuscripts…
Francis of Assisi, spoiled, rich-kid party-boy…
Ignatius of Loyola, barely competent soldier with big delusions of grandeur…
A lot of saints hovering over …
St Teresa of Calcutta, who sometimes doubted whether God even existed,
pray for us…
None of them born with angels’ wings, all of them, deeply flawed saints who overcame their flaws to become chosen vessels of God and carry out their special mission,
all of them and countless others — were there in the church that day praying for my vocation.
The chanting became hypnotic…
I drifted off somewhere, until Br. Roger tapped my shoulder..
It was time to rise, say the words, sign the parchment, and live up to my Second Chance.
So what have I learned since back then?
That our black and white robes don’t automatically make all the vices go away?
That the Rule of Benedict is not a recipe which solves every problem?
That living community life can generate just as much tension and friction as it does brotherhood and communion?
Yes, all that, but even more important, that the vows themselves have their own power.
Just as every married couple makes promises to each other,
as every priest and deacon kneels and makes promises to his bishop,
as every abbot makes promises to his community,
so the vows were my communion with Christ, the One who gives them strength and power.
In that Litany, in those vows,
I was invoking all the saints,
invoking the entire community, invoking Christ Himself …
I was asking for the strength and fidelity to cooperate with Him…
I was promising,
but I was also asking to participate in the promises that Christ has made to each of us,
so that I might honestly say, like all those saints in the Litany: